Life is confusing and I just really want good things and I miss you and I want you and why can’t things just be good, just BE GOOD, okay? just do your best and don’t do shitty things that will make you and other people feel stupid, god, life is hard enough as it is.ughhhhhh
joleebindo asked: i like the way you put letters together to make meanings
i appreciate this five thousand degrees.publishing for encouragement joleebindo
You change my chemistry.
You come around the corner and I’m something else.
My insides shift and bubble;
I’m convection currents and a color swirl.
I mean it’s hard enough
that the thought of you
spins and takes me.
And it’s harder still
that the mention of you
wraps and drops and heats me.
So imagine how hard it might be that it
curls and flies and plunges and churns and wakes and sings me
your moving, breathing self.
and I’m hit;
all my chemistry is thrown off for hours.
And I wish I had proof
that I still had the same effect on yours.
And I don’t want to be anywhere else;
I want to sit and think about this
to feel sad and angry about this
to feel sweet and hopeful about this
to put my head against your shoulder
to feel your face in my neck
to imagine you coming to me and apologizing
and explaining and being what I thought you were going to be
to cry and sob and cry
To go back.
I want to find a moment at the end of things
"What the fuck?"
just what the fuck,
and then see what you say
"Okay, so: what the fuck?"
"What. the fuck?"
NEVERMIND, THE DAD IS WHITE, AND IT’S JEFF PAUL, WHO DIRECTED ME IN FUCKING PSYCHO BEACH PARTY (!!!!)
AND I GOT CALLED BACK AND I THINK THE CALLBACKS WENT WELL
so we’ll see; I’m feeling good about what I did:) !!
It’s a black family, so I’m not going to get it, but I did a good audition so I feel okay. It’s nice to try out for a musical.:)
Had a bit of an epiphany: even though this has happened so many times now, with things seeming “yes” and then the guy disappearing, I’ve never had to deal with seeing him still after it got shitty. At all.
Those were shitty, but compared to seeing the person still and knowing that you’ll continue seeing them every day for months, it’s nowhere near as hard. Today was a taste of how hard this might be. I’m still overwhelmingly attracted. And the mindset is “If attracted ==> try to attract.” That is going to be hard to break.aaaauuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh
Needing to do a lot of breathing today.
It’s funny looking at past things that didn’t work out and identifying the qualities that were missing that will prove necessary in a partner. He’s got to be pretty damn adventurous, for example.willing to try things and go for things i tried to make a cool thing happen tonight and only a couple people responded so it's not happening but tonight will be really fun anyway
thumbsup4rockandroll replied to your post “I have un-defined you in my head as my particular individual. It…”
This is actually a really helpful thought process for me. Thanks for the unintentional life advice
Super glad I could be of any help. That makes me really happy.thumbsup4rockandroll that's exactly what it's all about